An Introduction

Welcome To A Jackals Voice. The intention of this blog is to be an outlet for myself and others on topics that are not generally discussed...

Monday, 20 March 2017

What is 'Normal'?

Up until recently if I had been asked; 'What kind of person are you', I would probably have come up with a variety of characteristics that I thought applied. I used to think of myself as a happy person. Fun loving. A good friend and a hard worker. I loved to dance and sing. I was a social person in spite of my anxiety. To be honest most people never even knew I had anxiety. I had adopted a coping mechanism of Hiding in Plain Sight. 
That has all changed now. I'm still a happy person don't get me wrong, but I'm nothing compared to who I was. I can't sing or dance with people anymore because of the muscle spasms. Going out socially is hard because of the physical pain. I can't hide anymore, the physical symptoms of my condition have left me exposed. For a while this really bothered me. I felt like I couldn't be myself anymore. As time has moved on however, I've grown somewhat accustomed to it. I know what I can and can't do and I have accepted that this is how it is going to be for the time being. This is my new 'normal'.

Thursday, 2 March 2017

Remembering who your friends are

Whenever a life-changing event occurs it can promote feelings of isolation. Whether it is a location change, a death in the family or illness is irrelevant. The reasons for this, in my own opinion, is that when something dramatic happens in our lives we expect everybody else's lives to change as well. This is not how the world works. Life carries on and a bad day for you is simply a bad day for you and you alone.

Since I became ill I have found myself becoming increasingly withdrawn. It's a natural response to hide away when you feel weakened. However, in the early days I did become rather upset when I didn't hear from certain people. I suppose I expected to hear from them simply because I wasn't around as much as normal. I assumed that they would have found out. I assumed someone would come looking for me. As this continued I became angry, and felt that I didn't have as many friends as I once thought. In response I simply shrank back further still into my own little bubble.
This, in hindsight, was completely unfair of me to do.