An Introduction

Welcome To A Jackals Voice. The intention of this blog is to be an outlet for myself and others on topics that are not generally discussed...

Thursday, 2 March 2017

Remembering who your friends are

Whenever a life-changing event occurs it can promote feelings of isolation. Whether it is a location change, a death in the family or illness is irrelevant. The reasons for this, in my own opinion, is that when something dramatic happens in our lives we expect everybody else's lives to change as well. This is not how the world works. Life carries on and a bad day for you is simply a bad day for you and you alone.

Since I became ill I have found myself becoming increasingly withdrawn. It's a natural response to hide away when you feel weakened. However, in the early days I did become rather upset when I didn't hear from certain people. I suppose I expected to hear from them simply because I wasn't around as much as normal. I assumed that they would have found out. I assumed someone would come looking for me. As this continued I became angry, and felt that I didn't have as many friends as I once thought. In response I simply shrank back further still into my own little bubble.
This, in hindsight, was completely unfair of me to do.

Prior to my condition worsening I was a bit of a loner. Sure I worked in a very Public place and spoke to people a lot when they came into the bar, but I rarely communicated outside of work. With this in mind, it made no sense to get upset that people weren't contacting me because I'm not a very social person. I didn't make a big deal about my condition and I still try not too, but because of this there was no reason for people to come looking. The isolated feeling I had was false, it wasn't that people didn't notice I was gone, it was that I'm not a very talkative person. Upon realizing this I felt awful, as I had become quite bitter. Then again, I don't think I am the only person to have felt this way.

When you move house people may check in with you for the first month or so, but then life goes on and you hear less. It is not that people don't care, it is simply that they are living their own lives. I admit that I do this myself. One of my closest friends lives very far away from me, to the point that visiting is a real struggle. Both of us are terrible for communicating and we have gone years at a time not speaking. Yet, I still consider him a close friend, and he does me.

When you allow yourself to get stuck in your own mind you will always find things you don't like. If you don't communicate you are just as much of the problem. With conditions like anxiety and depression the reasoning for this behavior is explained, but to live a normal life you have to fight these traits. So if you are feeling alone, or that people have forgotten you, just send them a message. The thinking trap is that if someone doesn't message you then that clearly means they don't want to talk. This is total nonsense. I very rarely message anyone, but if someone calls me I'll happily chat for hours. It's not that i don't want to talk, its just that I have been doing other things.

True friends will always stick by you no matter what, but that doesn't mean they are going to call you everyday to see if you're okay. I myself wouldn't contact someone that was very ill all the time because I know I wouldn't want to be hassled if I was in their place.

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