When I was a girl I loved fairytales. Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella.....they all rocked my world with their "Handsome Princes" and their "Happy ever afters."
I secretly wanted to
star in my own and imagined myself galloping off into the sunset with my
handsome prince, jingling the keys to my very own castle......it was going to
be lush. Except it didn't quite turn out that way.
Looking back, I don't
remember any fairy tale I ever read having a chapter called "It will all
end in tears". Shame really. If there had been then maybe I would have
been more prepared for the fact that sometimes what begins as a fairy tale can
end up as a horror movie. They should teach it in schools "How to cope
when your Prince Charming was actually a frog all along." That kind of
thing. It would save a lot of heartache.
Many men came and
went from my life. Some were cool, some were pretty non-descript. A very
small minority were pretty awesome . A couple turned out to be monsters.
I'm not keen on monsters. They scared me as a child. Scared me more as an
adult.
There was the
undertaker guy who had an obsession with serial killers. He was a bit
special...and not in a good way. I ran away from him. Kind of ruined
whatever bizarre ceremony he had planned for me that night. All I know is
that it involved Chianti, Adolf Hitler, and him dressed as
an undertaker. I didn't hang around to see what role I was supposed to
play in his mad little ritual. I just knew that I needed to get out of his flat
asap. A friend called just as I was seriously starting to panic and I managed
to blag my way past him and out the front door. Fifty odd sinister phone
calls and texts from him later that night and I called the
police in tears.
They came with me
when I returned for my things. I didn't tell them about the gun in his
cupboard. Maybe I should have done.
Then there was the
guy who flattered me with gifts and showered me with attention initially. My
"Protector". Someone who looked out for me. That was until the mask
slipped and he got a bit "possessive". A paranoid
alcoholic with a fondness for aggression and violence...mainly towards me.
Always for being guilty of something or other that he had concocted in his
head. I ran away from him before he had a chance to finish me off, and hid. For
months. The thought of him still makes me shudder.
I was lucky on more
than one occasion. Those guys were seriously "Out There". I
could have been killed. My dick head radar was well and truly shot to
bits as time and time again I was meeting idiots and arseholes. I realised that
there was a pattern forming. My self confidence was on the floor and I was
craving affection, but attracting the same shit constantly....and while I know
now that those guys were both nasty and unbalanced, I had to look at why I was
being drawn to them and them to me.
I made changes. I
stopped drinking and started to look after myself. As I got stronger and fitter
my confidence improved and I looked and felt pretty again. I didn't want to be
a doormat, and being tee-total meant that I saw people and situations for what
they were instead of squinting in an alcoholic haze through my rose-tinted
glasses.
I was able to swerve
any potentially undesirable characters as I could spot them coming a mile
off. Instead of falling for a shit chat up line or feeling
obliged to have a drink with someone I didn't find even remotely attractive, I
learned to say no. I chose my friends carefully and wisely. I surrounded
myself with good, decent people who had no hidden agendas as far as I was
concerned. I raised my bar to the level it should have been set to from the
start. I stopped attracting idiots. They couldn’t get past my firewall. I date
decent guys now. I go for meals and for nights out. I enjoy myself . I get
treated like a Princess because I am one. I respect myself now
that the monsters from my past are long gone...my dick-head radar is
no longer needed and my tiara glitters.
Job done.
The End.
Read more at http://justagirl.emyspot.com/ or follow her on twitter @Justagirl2017x
