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Welcome To A Jackals Voice. The intention of this blog is to be an outlet for myself and others on topics that are not generally discussed...

Tuesday, 12 September 2017

Mirror Mirror: Guest Post by Just A Girl

When I was a girl I loved fairytales. Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella.....they all rocked my world with their "Handsome Princes" and their "Happy ever afters."
I secretly wanted to star in my own and imagined myself galloping off into the sunset with my handsome prince, jingling the keys to my very own was going to be lush. Except it didn't quite turn out that way.
Looking back, I don't remember any fairy tale I ever read having a chapter called "It will all end in tears". Shame really. If there had been then maybe I would have been more prepared for the fact that sometimes what begins as a fairy tale can end up as a horror movie. They should teach it in schools "How to cope when your Prince Charming was actually a frog all along." That kind of thing. It would save a lot of heartache.

Many men came and went from my life. Some were cool, some were pretty non-descript. A very small minority were pretty awesome . A couple turned out to be monsters. I'm not keen on monsters. They scared me as a child. Scared me more as an adult.
There was the undertaker guy who had an obsession with serial killers. He was a bit special...and not in a good way. I ran away from him. Kind of ruined whatever bizarre ceremony he had planned for me that night. All I know is that it involved Chianti, Adolf Hitler, and him dressed  as an undertaker. I didn't hang around to see what role I was supposed to play in his mad little ritual. I just knew that I needed to get out of his flat asap. A friend called just as I was seriously starting to panic and I managed to blag my way past him and out the front door. Fifty odd sinister phone calls and texts from him later that night and  I called the police in tears.
They came with me when I returned for my things. I didn't tell them about the gun in his cupboard. Maybe I should have done.
Then there was the guy who flattered me with gifts and showered me with attention initially. My "Protector". Someone who looked out for me. That was until the mask slipped and he got a bit "possessive".  A paranoid alcoholic with a fondness for aggression and violence...mainly towards me. Always for being guilty of something or other that he had concocted in his head. I ran away from him before he had a chance to finish me off, and hid. For months. The thought of him still makes me shudder.
I was lucky on more than one occasion. Those guys were seriously "Out There". I could have been killed. My dick head radar was well and truly shot to bits as time and time again I was meeting idiots and arseholes. I realised that there was a pattern forming. My self confidence was on the floor and I was craving affection, but attracting the same shit constantly....and while I know now that those guys were both nasty and unbalanced, I had to look at why I was being drawn to them and them to me.
I made changes. I stopped drinking and started to look after myself. As I got stronger and fitter my confidence improved and I looked and felt pretty again. I didn't want to be a doormat, and being tee-total meant that I saw people and situations for what they were instead of squinting in an alcoholic haze through my rose-tinted glasses.
I was able to swerve any potentially undesirable characters as I could spot them coming a mile off.  Instead of falling for a shit chat up line or feeling obliged to have a drink with someone I didn't find even remotely attractive, I learned to say no.  I chose my friends carefully and wisely. I surrounded myself with good, decent people who had no hidden agendas as far as I was concerned. I raised my bar to the level it should have been set to from the start. I stopped attracting idiots. They couldn’t get past my firewall. I date decent guys now. I go for meals and for nights out. I enjoy myself . I get treated like a Princess because I am one. I respect myself now that the monsters from my past are long dick-head radar is no longer needed and my tiara glitters. 
Job done.
The End.

Read more at or follow her on twitter @Justagirl2017x

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