An Introduction

Welcome To A Jackals Voice. The intention of this blog is to be an outlet for myself and others on topics that are not generally discussed...

Monday, 10 December 2018

How I fight loneliness

Hello and welcome back to A Jackals Voice.
Despite the title of this post it's not an overly sad topic when I think about it. Yes, feeling alone isn't exactly pleasant, but it is temporary. Today I would like to share what exactly makes me feel this way, and what I try to do to combat it, healthy or otherwise. So, let’s get into it.

To start I'd like to define loneliness as I experience it. There are two kinds of loneliness. The first, simply comes to be when I've spent too long hiding away at home. The walls start to close in and the only person I've spoken to is myself when I begin to shout at myself. Whilst unpleasant, it is easily remedied with a coffee outside with a friend. Manageable is the word that comes to mind.
However the second kind is a little more complex and is the kind I struggle with the most. I'm sure everyone has experienced the isolation of standing in a crowded room and feeling like they belong. Or perhaps you have a secret that can never be told, and yet all you want to do is scream at the person you are talking too. This kind of loneliness is what I struggle with.

So how do you fight loneliness when you're surrounded by people? Well I've tried a couple different things over time, and it takes a bit of mix and match. What you should NOT do is get incredibly drunk to make yourself feel better. Even if it does work, it only works until you sober up and then you are lonely and hunched over in your bathroom. Trust me when I say, it's not dignified or fun.
Something I would recommend is observation. When that feeling comes on, and it comes on strong, just take a moment. Sit down wherever you are and look around. Try and determine what exactly has put you at odds with the people you are with. 
It could be the place, perhaps it's somewhere you dislike or have bad memories of and thus seeming people happy provokes a response? 
It could be the atmosphere. I know everyone has gone to a party when they feel crappy and end up sitting alone miserable because they can't seem to bring themselves up.
Worst case scenario is the people you're with. Sometimes you just don't click, even if you're friends. Maybe you feel they are too serious, or not serious enough? Perhaps you're just not interested in what they are anymore. Maybe you never were, and only went because you wanted company. I know that sounds odd, but in my experience, one type of loneliness can make the other far worse.

Regardless of the cause, if you can identify it, you can fix it. If its location, next time suggest a different venue. If it's atmosphere, it's a little trickier. Sometimes when we are down it's best to try and socialize, but if after an hour or two you still feel awful or it's got worse, go home or see another friend. Torturing yourself is not going to fix it.
Finally, what if it's the people. Now before you go cutting off friends for good, just take a look at yourself. On a normal day you enjoy your friends’ company, but today you can relate. What changed? It can be as mundane as waking up grumpy, or it could be a complete misinterpretation of other people’s thoughts and intentions. We have all said something at least once that others have taken so wrong it's caused an argument. It happens. So again, take a minute, evaluate yourself, and try to relax.
However, sometimes it's not so simple. Sometimes you don't belong. Maybe you changed, maybe they did, but if it's clear that things can't go back to the way they were then there's only really one option. It's time to move on.
That doesn't mean cut everyone off and block them (Unless you really have landed in a throng of bastards), it simply means branch out. Find new friends, talk to people. Anxiety is a bitch, but you will find friends again, even if by unusual means. Over the last two years I've made a couple of great friends online, something I never thought would happen, and yet I speak to them most days. There is always another option, and there are literally billions of potential friends waiting to be made.


Well we've covered a fair bit today, granted a lot of it is just me blurting out how I feel, but then that is what I tend to do. Sometimes, to feel normal and less isolated, you just have to own it. Admit that you feel a bit crap. You're not asking for pity, you don't need a hug (Though a good hug fixes a lot), you just need to accept that things suck a bit right now.
So here I am, admitting the suckiness of the situation, and admitting that sometimes, I get a bit lonely. Truth be told, I feel a lot better simply for writing this.

Over to you. Have you experienced anything like we've discussed here? Maybe it feels different for you, or perhaps you have a different method of coping? Please leave a comment or get in touch to share your thoughts.
Please like and share this post so others can find us here. Thankyou for all your support and patience whilst I'm still finding my feet.
Until next time, this has been,
A Jackals Voice.

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